Self Portrait January 2008

I've finished it, at long last, after nearly binning it last night.

I managed to get out of work (my day job) early this afternoon, and had an hour and a half in the studio with no distractions. As if by magic, it all came together, and has ended up quite different again.

I am very happy with it. I think it's strong, and it's definitely me.

I'm undecided as to whether I want to jump straight into another self portrait, of whether I want to start something different, or maybe pick up one of the themes I started last year; a sky-scape, or a nude. I'd still like to make use of the drawings I've been doing of people at the bus stop. Mmmmmm. Lots to think about. But I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders, now that this one is finally done.

a BIG painting

Last night my head was filled once again with images of a painting I need to do. It was a full length self-portrait. I couldn't make out the clothing, but my body is turned towards the right, and behind me, to the left, the background is dark, and full of images that haunt my conscience. To the right the background is a shimmering pale yellow mixed with the palest of blues. My left hand is reaching behind me, but my body and face are turned to the light, the right. There were ghosts of objects in the light too, which I don't want to dwell on yet. It's not that I'm not wanting to talk about them at all, it's just that they're not fully formed yet and I don't want to solidify the hints I can feel floating in my head, I want to leave them loose at the moment.
I also had a revelation about Jackson Pollock the other evening, but I'll talk about that another time.

.. grrrrrr!

Feelings of frustration, deflation, anger...... I printed off yesterday's image and drew over it to make the corrections of nose, eye etc. Now I think the whole face is too long and horsey. Oh flippin heck!!!!!!

Anyway I will persevere. Maybe it's the 'goatee' that's dragging my eye down. Maybe when I add the hair over the top it will soften the whole look. This painting is getting painful for me to work on, but I'm determined to finish it to some level of satisfaction before I move on.

... arghhh!

Yes, I've grown a beard. I'm fed up with my chin, so I'm going to ignore it for a bit. I ended up tonking it ;laying on paper and pressing to remove some of the paint, because I'd re-worked it so many times that the paint was now thick and anything I tried to paint over it was just mushing in with the layers underneath.

Good news - the nose is now the right width, but I can see from this photo that the bulbous bit is still too small.

I'm happy with the way the forehead is shaping up, and I've found the perfect palette - alizarin crimson, lemon yellow, burnt sienna, cobalt blue, paynes grey and titanium white.

The reflected light from the white wall in my studio is lightening the left side of my face and adding complications, so I'm going to hang some black paper to cast that side of my face into shadow. Hopefully that will simplify the shadows for me.

Will I ever get there?

#1 self portrait

Working on a canvas I started last year, I decided to paint myself with my eyes closed. To do this, looking in the mirror, I could only close one eye at a time. I had to be aware of how looking through one eye distorts the angle you view things at, especially at such a close range. Being able to see things with both eyes, and thus perceiving depth, helps enormously when I'm painting; a drawing done from life always communicates more depth than a drawing I do from a photograph, no matter what tricks I use.

I worked in some hair before I stopped today, just to soften the face and to add some dynamics.

Next I want to tone down the left of my face, then get to grips with my forehead.

My mouth is still a tiny bit too high , my nose is too narrow and my chin is too small overall. But, oil paint is the most fantastic medium for making corrections. I don't know why I procrastinate so much in working with oils.

My ultimate self-portrait

I see myself with dark eyes, maybe even closed eyes, but frowning, concentrating. My hair is wild, as if a hot wind is blowing from beneath, and my lips are tight shut. The background is a deep, dull colour, maybe a flat red with touches of grey. The highlights on my nose, cheeks and eyebrows are delicate and cold, and the shadowed areas are warmer. Now all I need is the technique to carry this off. Note that I didn't say 'talent' because I didn't want to invite a deluge of compliments. Maybe I'll work on this in a series of mediums; inks and pen, marker pen, acrylics and collage, oils (scary thought - oils are too much like 'real' art for me still).
I want the face to be active, as though it's changing through emotions as you look at it, not frozen in time. I want to capture a whole event, rather than just a second's snap shot. I also want it to be emerging from the canvas, as though the canvas is too small for it, and the energy portrayed is trying to get out. Could I paint it with the eyes closed, and yet still capture the dynamics of the emotions?

Four faces

These weren't done today as I'm off work poorly. But I promised myself I'd update my blog daily if at all possible, so these are here to keep my promise. I hope to be back to work (paid work) tomorrow, and maybe do some more art soon.

Self Portraits take perseverance

At least I've made a start, blocking in basic colours and shapes with soft pastels. And I'm smiling (in the picture at least). In reality I have a cracking headache, and paracetamol hasn't helped so far.

Anyway, I can see I need to re-shape this before I can continue.

My eyes are too big, my mouth is too high, my ear is too small and my left cheek is too low. Apart from that, it's awful. And I've decided that this isn't a flattering pose at all, emphasizing my double chin. On the basis that I'm not even five feet tall, no-one usually gets to see me from below either. Because I'm so short, I lift my chin when viewing the world, otherwise I'm peering though my eyebrows. As I'm doing the same automatically when looking in the mirror, I see myself as all chin and neck. Okay, I'm going to smudge this out, and then work over it, looking at my face from a slightly different angle. Then I'm going to scoop out my brain and put it in the freezer to see if that will help my headache.

No lines, only shapes & colour

That's today's project, as suggested by my older sister. So I've scaled up a previous drawing onto watercolour paper, so I don't have to worry too much about proportions. Now I'm off to choose some music, and make another coffee, and get started on it. Here goes .......

Che Guevara lookalike

The similarity to Che wasn't at all intentional.

That aside, I love how this has come out, drips included. And it's very much like the image in my head during my nap today.

Lisa, at Eudaemonia has been talking about perfectionism being paralyzing, and she's right. Even though I've been very productive these last few days, I'm still shadowed by doubts and fears. Lisa, and all those who comment on my blog, or even those who just take the time to drop by, all have a positive effect on me and my work.